Employee Drama (in english)

[Сладкий Б. Перец]

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for
the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor
ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

I am willing to work any shift.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


The response:

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering
the arguments you have raised, the administration
rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the
management team.

You do not stay in your designated work area
and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative, you need to be
pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave your workplace rather messy at the
end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety
regulations, such as wearing the correct
protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area
before you have completed the assigned task.

And if that were not enough, you have been
constantly entering and exiting the workplace
carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management